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How seriously we take our own thoughts! Have you ever really listened to what goes on in there?
I was having an e-mail exchange today with a friend who finds herself mentally bouncing back and forth between staying where she lives and moving to a place she’s always dreamed would make her happy. After years of city life, she’s drawn to the mountains. Problem is how would she make a living in the country after years in big city publishing companies?
And so she goes, back and forth, back and forth. I shared with her some of my own back and forth thinking about different things, the stuff that makes you feel like a crazy person after a while. “I love my partner.” “I think I’d be happier on my own.” “My work is so fulfilling right now.” “Geez, is this what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life?!” “I’m so happy that the sun is shining.” “Wow, this grey, rainy day is just right for how introspective I’m feeling.”
Don’t we all know that dance? We think our thoughts are our own, unique unto ourselves, so meaningful and personal and true.
Here’s a radical idea -- what if we treated our thoughts like they didn’t really matter that much?
Question authority (especially your own)
Remember that old bumper sticker that urged us to “Question Authority?” What I’d like to suggest is that, since we are the authority on our own thoughts, it might be good to question them.
Watching our thoughts, not taking them so seriously, just witnessing the shifting sands of mind, is a basic tenet of Buddhist teaching. This is what makes meditation such a powerful practice – it is not so much about clearing and taming the mind as it is about watching the mind and the various states it goes through in relatively short amounts of time, and learning to disengage from buying into what goes on there.
It also gives us a chance to see how much our thoughts are like the thoughts of other humans, helping us to understand that, to a great degree, we don’t think our thoughts as much as thoughts arise in us. A wonderful teacher whose books have profoundly inspired me in this effort is Pema Chodron. Her book titles alone are comforting – The Wisdom of No Escape, Start Where You Are, When Things Fall Apart. Her words help us to remember the truth of human suffering and face our own with grace.
This can go a long way in helping us disengage from painful or circuitous thinking. Now, when I find myself thinking in some repetitive, uncomfortable, or fanciful ways, I can take a step back and say “Oh look, there I am thinking like that, guess my mind still whips up these great stories to keep itself occupied!” Once I catch myself, I can switch gears and regroup to a more present moment orientation.
Inquire within
Another tool I find immensely helpful comes from The Work of Byron Katie (www.thework.org), which is a simple yet profound process of inquiry. When we find ourselves overcome by stressful thoughts, we stop, write them down, and then ask ourselves four questions: Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true? How do I react when I think this thought? Who would I be without this thought?
We then turn the thought around to see if the opposite might be as true or truer. Maybe we only think we need more love, someone’s approval, the ‘right’ job, but in reality things are as they are and if we think it should be different, then we suffer. Rather than being a passive stance, the work of inquiry helps us to find peace with what is, and make necessary changes from a place of balance and strength rather than pain and reactivity.
Minds are great for creating things, and we all admire a great mind at work. But when the mind goes off on repetitive rants that make us unhappy or distract us from doing what needs to be done, there are ways to disengage and shift gears.
As they say, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste!” Through meditative exploration and focused inquiry, we will free up our minds to take us where we really want to go.
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